I had two Maxines in my life.
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In case the title of this series isn’t obvious, I chose it because I feel that way myself. I was “planted” in Pittsburgh, the city of rivers. This relates to the women in my family. I’ve always been fortunate in the fact that, when I was in trouble, there was somebody who came forward and gave me help.
In the autumn of 1973 I dragged myself from Hartford, CT to Pittsburgh–spiritually not exactly dead but close to it. After five turbulent years of losses I was leaving my young husband, Mark, after two years of marriage. We had lived together as students since 1969, got married in 1971. Mark suffered what is called, I think, a nervous breakdown; he was unable to get out of bed, demanded that blinds and draperies be drawn. I could not help him. I tried to get outside help for him but he refused it. He was very ill for a long time.
Back in Pittsburgh on my own, I found a kind of peace that comes from solitude. I was living in a two-room apartment on Ward Street in Oakland–and I loved this little place. I write about it, over and over again. This is when the other Maxine, my aunt, came forward and extended help. When I look back–and this is a cliche but I’ll allow myself one–she drew me under her wing.
My aunt Maxine is my mother’s sister–part of the clan. She told me that she was practicing Transcendental Meditation and it completely changed her life. At this point we departed from the aunt/niece connection and became friends. She confided in me her deepest secrets, what happened to her that made her seek out “TM,” and how she got well using this technique. These facts were made clear to me in confidence so I can’t write about what they were. It was the sort of situation that millions of women have to endure. In my aunt’s case this situation made her sick. A lot of us in the family have problems with our digestive tracts when going through a troubled time–I’m one of them. My aunt is included in this.
We had long talks about life, living, where I would go next, what road to take. I wasn’t dealing with men at that time and my aunt approved. She paid the money for me to be initiated into TM. My aunt Maxine described a way of life that was elevated, free from the burdens that some women carry. She pointed out that I was free now–divorced–and had no children and owned practically nothing. I could slip free from the noose and lead a spiritually glowing life. In Iowa there’s a university based on TM; people go there to study, think, turn their thoughts in the right direction. My aunt gave me things to read about this place and suggested that I somehow get enough money together and depart for Iowa.
Furthermore, followers of TM can attend weekend workshops where there are lectures, films, and fellowship with other people. My aunt took me to several of these–again, she paid for me to accompany her. Those times were the best of my “single” days. The whole situation, the environment, soothed my soul. But something held me back from taking a big step and going along with my aunt’s plan for me.
There was no doubt that my aunt loved me and genuinely wanted me to be free of the dreary situations a lot of us face. This was especially true with regards to marriage. I was 24 years old, a survivor of many losses. How could I even think logically about making a decision to not get married and have children? I was programmed for marriage; I was told it was the best thing to be.
In January of 1976, energized by my aunt’s love and care, I quit my job at Mercy Hospital and moved to Philadelphia to stay with a friend. I met my husband soon after and a new life opened up at that point. This is the strange part–I never felt guilty about not proceeding in my aunt’s way. I knew that she was living a spiritual life and she was “grounded” via TM. My decision couldn’t hurt her. I’m enormously grateful to her for “stepping up to the plate” and giving me the love I needed.
lgmwriting 